I am reading a wonderful book called Buddhism for Mother's. Instead of being written by a monk or enlighted buddhist, it is written by a normal mom who has been buddhist for years, but hasn't even been able to go on a retreat longer than 2 days. The book gives a lot of background about buddhism, then talks about how buddhism can go hand in hand with being a parent. I've felt for a long time that parenting has to be the ultimate spiritual journey. What better way to be challenged to be our best? REading the book is reminding me to remember to be present.

I've been on such a high of energy over the last 4-5 days. Today is the first day that I feel lethargy creeping back in. I'm not depressed or anything though. Kindof mellow. I am ticked about this trial program I installed on my computer called Mvelopes. It is a budgeting program and I thought it might be easier because it is more basic than Quicken. Ugh. I like Quicken way better. Mvelopes is a newish program that doesn't have the bugs worked out and it isnt' intuitive at all. I'm ticked because to get the free trial, you have to pay $6.90 shipping and handling for a CD! I know, should have known. You can download the damn program 30 sec after you pay the 6.90. I think that given that I have a laptop for work now, I may be able to keep up with the finances if I install quicken on my work computer. I'll have to check to see if I can password protect it. my home computer is so buggy it drives me nuts.

The point of that whole paragraph was meant to be the fact that I noticed the lethargy/anger/depression and tried to be "present" with it. it does help. Knowing that I should be working and am not is a huge part of the problem. I'm done fiddling with finances, I've made an appointment for the tax guy...its time to work. Sigh.

  ¶ 11:53 AM 0 comments

  I saw Phoebe crawl for the first time last night. Although, trying to pin the "first crawl" on any particular moment is ridiculous given that she approaches any milestone in tiny steps, one day going from sitting to knees, the next strengthening, one day experimentally moving her arms forward, the next working on scooting on her bottom. In the last day or so, she suddenly learned to get back onto her butt after falling onto her belly--that is truly the last link she was waiting for--no more calling for mom and dad because she's stuck face-down. Last night, she became truly mobile as she butt scooted around the room. Its odd, because she isn't crawling per se, you expect her to stay in a radius of place, but you would look back and forth and she would be in new places by leaps whose movement you couldn't quite see. But later, upstairs with more room and no distractions, she leaned forward from butt to hands and moved her hands forward alternatively, then actually moved each knee forward--though she involved her feet in the process in a yoga-like movement that I couldn't duplicate without lots of stretching and practice. I excitely yelled to Greg that she had crawled, but I'm not sure he believed me--its hard to believe she'd do something that monumental out of sight :)

I made enchiladas for the first time last night. I don't know what got into me yesterday, but I was on a roll. I felt good, I was motivated. I ended up cooking enchiladas, meatloaf and sauteeing eggplant. I wanted to have some good food in the fridge for this week. No eating out. The enchiladas were incredibly yummy. I don't think they fit in with my new desire to finally start excercising off baby weight and eating with more moderation, but live a little!  ¶ 7:40 AM 0 comments

  Yesterday was an amazing day. G and I went on a date--I am ashamed to say, the first date since Phoebe was born! We went to see the movie Big Fish. Big Fish was incredible--its a Tim Burton film, so we figured it would be pretty good, but I didn't know what the story was going to be about at all. No spoilers, but it is about the relationship of a man to his father and G and I were just all choked up by the end. We had been gone a couple hours by the time the movie was done (obviously) and my boobs were all filled up with milk. Our initial plan was go to the movie and then go home for a little baby-free bding :) I didn't want to pump and wanted to check on Phoebe so we stopped by to see her.

When we got there, Phoebe was fast asleep on Jesse--it was such a cute scene. Jesse waved us out of there, "go, go". We had the most amazing, intense loving imaginable. I couldn't believe that we waited this long to have a babysitter. I realized how far good sex goes in making problems seem less weighty. This morning I woke up and thought that next time I feel the world is collapsing around me, I'll just get Greg into bed!

G is doing so great with Phoebe. The other day when I came home, the house was all set up with different "play-stations"--there was the huge mirror and blanket station, the tent-with-the-blacklight-and-spotted-material station, the living-room standard station with the addition of a cooler for her to take things in and out of. He had also gone to the mall and brought home Godiva chocolates for me--well, for us. He actually had tasted almost all of them! Normally he brings me home a couple Godiva truffles, but this time he tried a box of mixed chocolates--hence the tasting, he had to make sure they were good!

A woman is coming over today to try and take my blood for my life insurance paperwork. Last person that came couldn't get any blood! I know I have "hard" veins, but I have never had someone completely unable to get my blood. I am drinking so much water this morning--it helps your veins they told me, so anything I can do to get away with one needle stick and no butterfly (that is when they take blood from your hand veins I guess).  ¶ 8:00 AM 0 comments