Learning html 101

I am trying to learn how to write webpages. All this thinking about my future business made me realize that all my business ideas involve an online presence. since I won't be paying someone to make me a webpage, I best learn to write html!

So, here's a test:

Click here for the tutorial

Did the link work? Woo-hoo! Been trying to learn to do that for ages. Now...what should my domain name be?

Now I, of course, must go back and fix old entries. Do you think I can figure out a comment thing now too?
  ¶ 5:00 PM 0 comments

 

want, need, nourishment

Is it possible to create something that inspires, norishes and gives, but at the same time is a commercial enterprise? Particularly given that "commercial enterprises" by their nature creat wants, which do not necessarily equate with need?

A couple examples come to mind--a book of poetry and a beautiful blank journal. When I see these items, I want them. When I purchase and use them though, I generally am given more inspiration, norishment, and creativity than my perception of what I spent.

There is a part of me that views all commercialism as "bad", but that can not be true given that artists throughout time have needed to eat and survive and to do so generally get something--be it food, money, exchange goods, etc--for their products. I suppose I am conflicted because I am struggling to realize the difference between my "wants" and my "needs" and break a cycle of overconsumerism from trying to fulfill all my "wants" without considering the difference between want and need.

I have a vision of creating an enterprise that norishes, inspires and gives back to the user while at the same time provides me some compensation for my efforts as well. I know this is possible, but I feel I have to tread carefully along the line between inspiring and giving and getting money and compensation for myself.   ¶ 11:39 AM 0 comments

  Feeling much more ambitious and open today. I think a good nights sleep helped. Phoebe still has a cold, but is feeling better.

I suddenly thought of Mike O's tirade about women:
"every noticed how women have to update you every second of the day on how they are feeling. I'm hot, I'm cold. I feel a bit crampy. Are you cold? My toe hurts. I think my hair needs to be cut..."

It always makes me laugh. I know, some people will think its chauvanistic, but with the Mike O voice its funny.

I've been getting a lot of work done at work recently. It feels good to have integrity with my job. even if I'm leaving (especially if I'm leaving?), it feels good to get a lot done. Today though, I didn't get so much done. Avoidence.

I found a neat website Workers on Wheels. It started me thinking again about writing. The website owner publishes a newsletter and has several e-books. I've ordered a few ebooks this year online--one fiction book that turned out to be terrible, a packet of info regarding car buying--highly useful, a lot of info for my money, and I ordered the books off this woman's website. Her books were ok--I guess for the price, you get what you pay for. I was a bit annoyed that they were so short. The main thing was though that they are a handy compilation of information. One of my business ideas for my future is basically information packaging--I've always been drawn to researching and providing information to people. I think ebooks may be a way for me to implement the idea. I have an idea that ebooks may end up a hard sell though if people don't provide a lot of good quality in them. I think if you do the Amazon thing of providing more detail about what is in the book and also have free services, like an email list or newsletter or something, it may help.

  ¶ 5:37 PM 0 comments

  If I were to characterize the main emotion over the last couple of days, it would be that I feel sucked dry. I feel like I am going through the motions. Part of this feeling is simply being tired. We drove to Modesto on Saturday for Phoebe's birthday party and since then she has not been sleeping well due to teething. Her not sleeping well means me waking every two to three hours. I should back up to say that Sunday was a marvelous day that recharged my batteries considerably. Greg and I relaxed and connected and had a wonderful day (and the Kings won a game again finally :)

But back to work on Monday! I am so tired of the commute and traffic and working inside. Some hours I must just force myself to keep working and not just say 'screw it' and just leave. I am trying to figure out how to come to some sort of balance--finding ways to enjoy this time here before we leave for the road and still nourish myself.

Part of me is very afraid that this decision to leave and go on the road will not solve anything and that I'll be just as frustrated and bored on the road. But I simply can't imagine that is true. How will being with my family be boring--or working for myself? Yes, there will always be grumpy days, sad days, trying times, but this ongoing disjointed feeling that I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing?

I am trying to think back to see if there were times in my life where I felt satisfied about my livelyhood. I was very happy in school. I've always loved school--some people think that is crazy, but I always said that I'd love to be a professional student. I've had "real" jobs now for about 10 years. I certainly enjoyed my first years at my first three companies. It seems like I get bored after about 2 years. Job satisfaction on this job lasted the least amount of time--I think I'm just done with this career field.

How does one find the patience and enjoyment in bridging the gap though? I've run through senarios--quit, have Greg go back to work (lame idea as his man power is what we need to finish our house!), quit, live on savings until we leave (talk about burning bridges), reduce my hours (ok idea), or just stick it out. Stick it out keeps winning but ugh!

Last week I think I was just about to pop. If not for Sunday, I think I would have started getting depressed again. Phoebe's schedule has changed until I have literally no time to myself. She wakes with me at 6AM, I go to work and haven't been taking a long lunch, if any, I get home about 6:30PM and have to go to bed with Phoebe about 9PM. I was getting so angry at Greg, just out of jealously more than anything! How dare he have the luxury of time to himself at home! ;) I think a part of me is really afraid that once we are on the road it will be more of the same--what if Greg is freed up, but I am still full-time mommy? I guess all I can do is make sure that we both have time to ourselves! No one said being a mom is easy.

K posted this to our journal group today:

Making a Fist
by Naomi Shihab Nye

For the first time, on the road north of Tampico,
I felt the life sliding out of me,
a drum in the desert, harder and harder to hear.
I was seven, I lay in the car
watching palm trees swirl a sickening pattern past the glass.
My stomach was a melon split wide inside my skin.
"How do you know if you are going to die?"
I begged my mother.
We had been traveling for days.
With strange confidence she answered,
"When you can no longer make a fist."
Years later I smile to think of that journey,
the borders we must cross separately,
stamped with our unanswerable woes.
I who did not die, who am still living,
still lying in the backseat behind all my questions,
clenching and opening one small hand.

Ah, poetry. Reading a poem just makes something open inside me. I remember when poetry was flowing out of me. The feeling was like I was channelling from a well outside of me, tapping into some pool of creativity and giving it my own spin. I think I need more beauty in my life. When I think of beauty, the only thing in my life beautiful right now is Phoebe. Everything else is dusty and cluttery. The weather has been nice and honestly, it is so hard for me to even see the beauty of the sky.

I am blocked.
  ¶ 3:25 PM 0 comments