the most basic Me
Sunday, August 15, 2004
This week has been very up and down. I've been sick--fever and sore throat--and now G is getting sick. Phoebe was sick earlier in the week. We got our new 5th wheel Wednesday--at the height of Phoebe's illness (G picked it up while I watched her) and I stayed home. I had a day to enjoy it before I got sick. Its been frustrating wanting to go gung ho packing and preparing and not being able to do much because I felt so shitty. G was a sweetheart, taking care of me through it until today, he came down with it.
That has nothing to do with why I originally logged on. Sometimes I feel like I always have to sabtoage something, just to keep things interesting. Right now, its this one project at work. Its a simple thing, that I should have done weeks ago and I keep leaving it. Now I'm sick and can't really work on it. I'm scared in a way that if I end up not being able to go to work tomorrow, I'll be "caught"...but you know, even thinking about it...it isn't a big deal at all. I mean, I should get it done, but it isn't like I'd be fired if they found out I hadn't done it--more like I'd feel bad that I hadn't and that would be the end of it. But its weird, I could have a "free conscious" (gads I can't spell) but I have that hanging over my head. I'd about gotten all those things taken care of...I've honestly been a wonder of get-it-done lately...taking care of things as they come up--hell, even my checkbook is balenced.
I'm scared and excited to get on the road. It drives me insane that the house isn't clean enough to show--there are toys and Stuff everywhere. It basically looks like we haven't moved in all the way yet right now. Oh well--no sense getting all stressed in order to unstress. It will happen I suppose--lol, it better or we are going to be in serious financial stress in 3 months--we aren't so strapped we couldnt' cover everything--I'm not that stupid but man we'd have to tighten our belts. I'm not a good enough budgeter to want to deal with that.
I just finished 'reading' Confessions of a Shopaholic--I put read in quotations because it was a book on tape that I 'read' while going to work. I don't know why I've always been so against books on tape--thought I'd hate them because I don't normally do well listening to things. But I love it. Confessions was a weird story--honestly, I NEVER would have been able to get through the thing if it was a written story I was trying to read. Being that it was the only option in the car, I pushed through it. The protagonist basically had no redeeming qualities. She was self-centered, stupid about money, and prattled on incessantly, taking forever to get to her point. And it wasn't as if this led to some great revelation--even though she eventually got her debt and spending somewhat under control, it wasn't by some buckling down, it was mostly blind luck and happening into more money. But the scary thing was--the woman was a lot like me. The whole thing about stuffing bills in drawers and ignoring them, ignoring debt, spending when she felt down...it was a little depressing. I'm not as much like that, but enough still to be a bit scary. Over a few days, I started to enjoy listening to the English performer that did the reading, prattle on about the woman's inane life. Somehow, it made some thought processes I have in my own head come to life just a bit--made me realize my own internal dialogue is just as ridiculous at times.
¶ 9:29 PM 0 comments
That has nothing to do with why I originally logged on. Sometimes I feel like I always have to sabtoage something, just to keep things interesting. Right now, its this one project at work. Its a simple thing, that I should have done weeks ago and I keep leaving it. Now I'm sick and can't really work on it. I'm scared in a way that if I end up not being able to go to work tomorrow, I'll be "caught"...but you know, even thinking about it...it isn't a big deal at all. I mean, I should get it done, but it isn't like I'd be fired if they found out I hadn't done it--more like I'd feel bad that I hadn't and that would be the end of it. But its weird, I could have a "free conscious" (gads I can't spell) but I have that hanging over my head. I'd about gotten all those things taken care of...I've honestly been a wonder of get-it-done lately...taking care of things as they come up--hell, even my checkbook is balenced.
I'm scared and excited to get on the road. It drives me insane that the house isn't clean enough to show--there are toys and Stuff everywhere. It basically looks like we haven't moved in all the way yet right now. Oh well--no sense getting all stressed in order to unstress. It will happen I suppose--lol, it better or we are going to be in serious financial stress in 3 months--we aren't so strapped we couldnt' cover everything--I'm not that stupid but man we'd have to tighten our belts. I'm not a good enough budgeter to want to deal with that.
I just finished 'reading' Confessions of a Shopaholic--I put read in quotations because it was a book on tape that I 'read' while going to work. I don't know why I've always been so against books on tape--thought I'd hate them because I don't normally do well listening to things. But I love it. Confessions was a weird story--honestly, I NEVER would have been able to get through the thing if it was a written story I was trying to read. Being that it was the only option in the car, I pushed through it. The protagonist basically had no redeeming qualities. She was self-centered, stupid about money, and prattled on incessantly, taking forever to get to her point. And it wasn't as if this led to some great revelation--even though she eventually got her debt and spending somewhat under control, it wasn't by some buckling down, it was mostly blind luck and happening into more money. But the scary thing was--the woman was a lot like me. The whole thing about stuffing bills in drawers and ignoring them, ignoring debt, spending when she felt down...it was a little depressing. I'm not as much like that, but enough still to be a bit scary. Over a few days, I started to enjoy listening to the English performer that did the reading, prattle on about the woman's inane life. Somehow, it made some thought processes I have in my own head come to life just a bit--made me realize my own internal dialogue is just as ridiculous at times.
¶ 9:29 PM 0 comments
