In an hour, I've discovered a lot of things--main items follow:

* There are a lot of blogs out there
* There is a lot more to blogging than I ever imagined/knew/cared to know
* There are many talented people in the world
* Many of those people are much younger than me
* These things inspire me to a greatness that I know I'll never achieve
* This makes me sad
* Knowing I'll never achieve greatness, I can putter around in obscurity without worrying that it is all leading nowhere
* This makes me feel better.

Hip-hip hooray!

am I really only 30?  ¶ 4:12 PM 0 comments

 

poetry

(not yet finished)

A month in days

1.

New day, new year, new life!
Wild conductors, the oaks spread their wiry hair.
They snap crooked fingers--Sing!
Birds flutter and draw near, flick-lick their dainty feathers
and throw back miniature heads in orchestral song
Love you! Love me!
Everything ahead, nothing behind!
Dogs pee on posts and sniff the butts of bitches
Tom's crinkle their noses at the scent of their queens


Books!
I have books to read,
Pages to fill with beautiful words,
Computer screens to kiss!
I will train for marathons,
I will make sleek muscles of my thighs.
I will decorate my nipples with hoops of gold and diamonds drops--
Men will lick my toes, drink my bathwater
Love me and no other!


Life!
Life is me!




28.


My nights are peopled with nightmares.
Hidden fears spin out and color the walls with black crows
By day my swallowed hurts will be thrown up for the world to see
I won't be able to control my body
Hyperventilating in company meetings, panic sniffing at my tail


I wake sweating
Dream you? Dream me?
I whimper
Absently my husband pats my head
Good girl, wake up, sleep quiet


In the morning I want to sever my head from my body


Fuck you body
You betray me.


I want to throw the betraying body away
My brain would never tell me
I'm trying to do too much


The world spins round in crazy psychedelic circles
nausea, pain pulses
blood drips on the floor, creeps up the walls to the ceiling
fat drops rain on my head
I mop up the walls with tampons
I remove the stains with tears
the blood empties me
I'm cold.


I fill the bathtub with boiling water
to make a cup of tea
I immerse myself
but heat barely touches me


My eggs don't hatch babies
knives grow inside me.
Each time they kick I hurt.
I try and shit out
the pain in my belly and back,
the pain attached to my spine,
but there's nothing inside but vomit and bile.
My body is turning itself inside out.
I reach inside deep and rip out my uterus
laying it beside me
I watch it pulsing,
slowly dissolving.


I make a soup of aspirin
Shoot up with Midol
Sip it up, sweet
Drink
give me back my life.
  ¶ 3:17 PM 0 comments

 

the beginning

If someone was able to actually track my thoughts and what I do day to day, I'm sure they'd think I was a mental patient. I started my *work* day (I do work, though the sheer volume of email crap I produce makes people think I don't) by signing up for the nanowriting challenge. Unable to do anything by halves, I set out to get in touch with others participating in it. Only to find that apparently half the web world is participating AND there is this *new* blogging that I had no idea about. Of course, I then had to have my very own blog page. Going along with my resolution this week to do more work at work and drink less coffee, I've spent my morning barely working and glugging coffee. The coffee has done much to ruin my concentration and little to keep me lucid.

As to what I'm going to use this place for--I should back up and introduce myself since I did make this thing public (not that I can imagine these contents are going to interest the general public). Don't know how long that will last. My online name is Wyethia. I'm a (*ACK*--I have to say this now--my birthday was at the beginning of October) 30 yr old woman that resides in California. I'm a bit obessive about hobbies--I collect hobbies with the same passion most reserve for contributing to their one hobby. I feel I'm not quite as alone in this though--I've met enough nutty people that overlap in hobbies online to satisfy my faint desire to be within the society accepted range "Normal". Current hobbies include writing poetry, backpacking, disc golf, snakes, tarantulas, writing, journaling, dog training, pilates/ yoga, vegetarian cooking, being a wife (this is a hobby I dabble in rather than work at full-time), rabid reading, and biology (not quite sure that belongs as a hobby as it is my current career choice, but I work only takes up part of my life).

Anyway, I thought I'd use this space to collect my posts that I write daily to various groups. Every once in awhile I search out old posts and I'm amazed at how prolific I am (sporatically) and I'd love to keep some of that stuff for later. I'm not organised enough to print all that crap out--been there, done that--waste of space. So, for now, I'll paste in pertinent posts from various email groups (my writing only) that I may want to keep for later. I may also use this to track story/poem ideas--not sure about that.   ¶ 2:51 PM 0 comments