Waste lies not in the number of possesions but in the failure to enjoy them. Your success at being frugal is measured not by your penny-pinching but by your degree of enjoyment of the material world. --Joy Dominguez and Vicki Robin
  ¶ 1:28 PM 0 comments

  Many years ago I picked up a book titled, The Simple Life at a used book store (ironic that Paris Hilton's recent show has the same name). I remember being blown away by the wisdom in some of the stories and totally jazzed about the idea of embracing the "new frugalism"--learning and being frugal in this society obsessed by consumerism. At that time, I was totally immersed in a madness of spending that I am still feeling the effects of now, years later. My husband and I made so much money combined that we could mostly absorb the impact of cycles of insane spending followed by lulls. As an example, we purchased 23 tanks, heaters, and snakes within a 1 year period (each set up and snake cost about $200 altogether).

Greg and my philosophy towards material goods and the environment mirror those of many in the new frugality movement--we like quality rather than quantity, are perfectly happy to wait to see a movie on DVD rather than new in a theatre, are as content going on a walk on the beach together or shopping used bookstores as we would be going on an expensive dinner night out...but somewhere between what we like in our head and what we actually do with our money we get lost.

We've made some really good decisions in the recent past and some really bad ones. Buying a house ranks up there as both the best decsion we've made and the worst. As an investment and tax break, buying this house was a savior. We made an insane amount of equity in this house--thankfully, as we certainly didn't save any money elsewhere. buying the house was only a bad decision in the sense that we didn't end up having enough disapline to care for it properly...ok deeper--I found and purchased this house while I was in the midst of trying to implement frugality in my life. The frugal approach to that purchase would be buy something that is a good, quality investment that you really LOVE that is at the same time well within your means and enables you to keep saving. I'm not sure I did that...in some ways I know I didn't. I liked this house, was thrilled with it as a good investment...it wasn't a dream house that I wanted to stay in. It was far bigger than we needed and we certainly couldn't afford to furnish or decorate it. I remember a big part of my heart hardening against the part of me that said, I dont' need this much house!

But in the long run it wasn't just the house. As soon as I get depressed, I slip back into poor spending habits. I can't count the purchases we made of brand new items that we could have either lived without or found cheaper. So many of these things are being sold, thrown away or given away now as we prepare to move. I wanted a Kitchen Aide mixer for years--for me, I showed great restraint in not buying one. I finally bought one (new of course) about 9 months ago. I had visions of starting to make bread again, making cookies, using it to get back into cooking. I've used it twice I think--mashed potatoes once...and I don't remember what the other time was. No way I can take it with me in the trailer. At least I think that I'll get back into cooking on the road (hell, I'll finally have the time) and maybe someday we'll settle and I'll finally use the thing.

I fucked up my finances so badly over the last year that finally finally its caught up. We literally had a garage sale last weekend so we would have money for groceries. As Greg puts it, we are equity rich and cash poor. Funny though--having finally run out of places to borrow and overspend money, we are forced to do simple things like cook all our meals and plan meals ahead. We have eaten the most fabulous meals the last week. Simple good ingredients, inventiveness, and a little thought and our refridgerator is filling up with good food that doesn't go to waste. Greg made his own marinade for a tri-tip ($4 on sale, cheaper than the chuck they had) of leftovers in the fridge and cupboard--pineapple, raisins, ginger, soy sauce, vermouth, a bit of red curry--the sauce was just the right combination of sweet and spicy, really flavorful straight, but the meat was lightly flavored so you could still taste its own flavor. I baked chicken today--two leg quarters ($1.03) on a bed of onion, potato, carrorts, and peas ($1) spiced with rosemary from our garden and thyme.

Some nights, like tonight, I wake and can't get back to sleep. I worry that with access to the whole amount of our savings that we will do ok for awhile, being frugal, then suddenly "need" something and throw money at it instead of thought and just spend and spend. I wonder if I can fall in love with having money in savings. I know I need mental space and sleep. I think we'll do ok, I think this is the right decision, but I shudder to think of this equity, the only thing we've done right money-wise jsut evaporating. I want this to be the bottom--I don't want to have to be totally and utterly broke to see the light.
  ¶ 1:54 AM 0 comments