the most basic Me
Saturday, November 06, 2004
I am trying to do Nanowrimo again this year, but I must admit my commitment to it is less than spectacular. How could I whole-heartedly try it (writing 50K in one month) while at the same time packing to leave our home of 4 years? It jsut wouldn't happen unless I miracuously start wriing 5K a day on weekends.
I picked up Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged off the floor this afternoon. Greg was putting Phoebe down for a nap. The verison I have includes her journal entries when imagining the book. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with this sense of "I am not a writer because..." Because I am not exactly like whatever writer I am reading about. I love books about writers...their lives, their journals, the inner workings of their imagination, their friendships, their letters. Sometimes I think its counter-prodcuitive to my own craetivity though because I AM NOt those other writers. I wrote starts of stories when small. I wrote in diaries and journals, but it never consummed me. I never persevered. I didn't take advanced courses in English in college. I became a biologist...and not a great one. I became a business person.
Sometimes I fear that my new journey will not take me deeper into creativity. It will not give me the time I've always felt I needed to write or paint...it will just show that in all things I'm a dilatant, a dabbler a person that skims the surface but doesn't dive in.
How is it atht I am such a strong woman...have faced so much but still doubt myself? How is it that I don't jow that I can do anythign I set my mind to?
Just this nanowrimo is bringing the stories out. Before, I get the start, but I don't have the story...I have worlds in my head, snippets of character but I can't delve into that deep place, that outer world where writers grab their stuff--that tafffy in the outer world that they take and weave...it remain out there, unavailable...but even these few days, the stories evolve more. I feel like all I have to do is keep at it jsut a little.
And I will.
I've had this idea for my new career...my business actually. It isn't much of a twist on my previous dwelling about being a freelancer. I was reading on the Well-fed Writer about commercial freelance and it hit me--Environmental Consulting as an industry is ready to embrace commercial freelance. There is a place for ghost writers. That's my business. Forget the crap about whether or not I do delineations, or permitting...I can just take the tech reports and write the chapters, the reports--hand them in, collect my money and be done with it. I can do face to face's...meet my clients and be on the way. I knwo the industry.
It distracts me. I stopped being creative the moment I thought it up.
That's ok though. Its just something that comes and goes.
¶ 1:53 PM 0 comments
I picked up Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged off the floor this afternoon. Greg was putting Phoebe down for a nap. The verison I have includes her journal entries when imagining the book. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with this sense of "I am not a writer because..." Because I am not exactly like whatever writer I am reading about. I love books about writers...their lives, their journals, the inner workings of their imagination, their friendships, their letters. Sometimes I think its counter-prodcuitive to my own craetivity though because I AM NOt those other writers. I wrote starts of stories when small. I wrote in diaries and journals, but it never consummed me. I never persevered. I didn't take advanced courses in English in college. I became a biologist...and not a great one. I became a business person.
Sometimes I fear that my new journey will not take me deeper into creativity. It will not give me the time I've always felt I needed to write or paint...it will just show that in all things I'm a dilatant, a dabbler a person that skims the surface but doesn't dive in.
How is it atht I am such a strong woman...have faced so much but still doubt myself? How is it that I don't jow that I can do anythign I set my mind to?
Just this nanowrimo is bringing the stories out. Before, I get the start, but I don't have the story...I have worlds in my head, snippets of character but I can't delve into that deep place, that outer world where writers grab their stuff--that tafffy in the outer world that they take and weave...it remain out there, unavailable...but even these few days, the stories evolve more. I feel like all I have to do is keep at it jsut a little.
And I will.
I've had this idea for my new career...my business actually. It isn't much of a twist on my previous dwelling about being a freelancer. I was reading on the Well-fed Writer about commercial freelance and it hit me--Environmental Consulting as an industry is ready to embrace commercial freelance. There is a place for ghost writers. That's my business. Forget the crap about whether or not I do delineations, or permitting...I can just take the tech reports and write the chapters, the reports--hand them in, collect my money and be done with it. I can do face to face's...meet my clients and be on the way. I knwo the industry.
It distracts me. I stopped being creative the moment I thought it up.
That's ok though. Its just something that comes and goes.
¶ 1:53 PM 0 comments
Monday, November 01, 2004
Strange happenings
The last month has been as much of a roller coaster as any I can remember in my life. We "sold" our house, then dropped out of escrow. We've packed and made plans and reservations for moving out, only to have to start marketing our house all over. Phoebe used the potty for the first time by herself (mark the date--October 30, 2004) and has begun using words all the time. Her latest, "treat", thanks to "trick or treating" Halloween. I totally had a mini-breakdown Thursday, full panic attack mode, calling work and just telling them I wouldn't be in until Monday. We found homes for the rest of our cats, very sad to say bye to Molly.
Today itself is not without its worries and levity. I got a call from a guy that had seen our ad trying to place Molly and Idgie, our cats. I told them they had already been placed and he says, "oh, good for you, but that's not what I was really calling about." He goes on to ask if I'm knowledgeable about cats and pump me for information on training his cat to not eat his parrots and how neutering would or wouldn't change his cats personality. That...was...weird.
¶ 1:50 PM 0 comments
The last month has been as much of a roller coaster as any I can remember in my life. We "sold" our house, then dropped out of escrow. We've packed and made plans and reservations for moving out, only to have to start marketing our house all over. Phoebe used the potty for the first time by herself (mark the date--October 30, 2004) and has begun using words all the time. Her latest, "treat", thanks to "trick or treating" Halloween. I totally had a mini-breakdown Thursday, full panic attack mode, calling work and just telling them I wouldn't be in until Monday. We found homes for the rest of our cats, very sad to say bye to Molly.
Today itself is not without its worries and levity. I got a call from a guy that had seen our ad trying to place Molly and Idgie, our cats. I told them they had already been placed and he says, "oh, good for you, but that's not what I was really calling about." He goes on to ask if I'm knowledgeable about cats and pump me for information on training his cat to not eat his parrots and how neutering would or wouldn't change his cats personality. That...was...weird.
¶ 1:50 PM 0 comments
