Tuesday, February 03, 2004
____________
Snapshot of my day:
Things were just cruising along, felt like everything was clicking. I started working on an document at work that I'm managing that is due next week. First, I realized that S hadn't done a lot of the stuff I asked her to do on the document, but in a sense, that's my bad because I hadn't checked it. One major issue is that a whole chapter--land use isn't done. What sucks is that I was originally writing that chapter and never did because it was one of those, 'if you have nothing to do, do this,' but then I got busy and asked S to go ahead and write it, which didn't happen. I don't want to play a blame game, but UGH! I was going over it with the division manager and the division manager mentioned, "Oh, also make sure all the chapters match headers and footers." I literally have told S to do the headers and footers 3 separate times!! She's been bitching to me every week that she has "nothing to do".
I was talking with other staff about helping me do the Land use chapter and out of nowhere one of the new staff members, C, starts throwing a total fit to the division manager that I wasn't asking HER for help because planning is her specialty. HUH? I went to C and "apologized" for not involving her, but told her it is due Monday, so there wasn't time for her to help as she is working on a huge project that is also due next week. She just ignored what I was saying and started saying she was going to route her resume around to everyone so they knew her capabilities. GRRRR. Sometimes being management ain't all its cracked up to be.
Nice thing about the whole scene is it just made me laugh afterwards. Good God. I mean, when I was at their level, I was responsible and wanted to try and help, not just get by. I wanted to make my supervisors job easier if I could. WHere are my employees like that?
_____
Sometimes I just have to wonder what I'm doing. Its 5:30PM and I'm reading my email at work. I suddenly thought about my adorable little baby at home that is starting to babble and say, "ma ma". I wonder somedays why I spend time away from her. And while I'm away, why am I wasting time instead of getting through the stuff I have to do as fast as I can?
Oh. I know the answers at some level, but on other levels it just seems silly sometimes. Greg and I were talking last night about moving to New Mexico. He was totally into it. Didn't even blink. A huge part of my heart just relaxed. I think I had starting thinking that we were just locked into living in California forever. Don't get me wrong, I love California--I love its weather, I love the landscape, the animals the ocean the mountains...but I am begining to loathe its politics, its crowds, its freeways. I don't want Phoebe to grow up thinking that big city is normal instead of nature.
i am really loving the book Buddhism for Mothers--it has helped me in so many ways to step back onto the eight-fold path and stop worrying so much and being angry. My sense of humor is returning. These journal entries always seem so serious...where is my sense of humor in my writing?
I've been trying to write a new poem in my head. Its slogging. My creativity is at ebb tide. It'll come eventually. ¶ 5:41 PM
Snapshot of my day:
Things were just cruising along, felt like everything was clicking. I started working on an document at work that I'm managing that is due next week. First, I realized that S hadn't done a lot of the stuff I asked her to do on the document, but in a sense, that's my bad because I hadn't checked it. One major issue is that a whole chapter--land use isn't done. What sucks is that I was originally writing that chapter and never did because it was one of those, 'if you have nothing to do, do this,' but then I got busy and asked S to go ahead and write it, which didn't happen. I don't want to play a blame game, but UGH! I was going over it with the division manager and the division manager mentioned, "Oh, also make sure all the chapters match headers and footers." I literally have told S to do the headers and footers 3 separate times!! She's been bitching to me every week that she has "nothing to do".
I was talking with other staff about helping me do the Land use chapter and out of nowhere one of the new staff members, C, starts throwing a total fit to the division manager that I wasn't asking HER for help because planning is her specialty. HUH? I went to C and "apologized" for not involving her, but told her it is due Monday, so there wasn't time for her to help as she is working on a huge project that is also due next week. She just ignored what I was saying and started saying she was going to route her resume around to everyone so they knew her capabilities. GRRRR. Sometimes being management ain't all its cracked up to be.
Nice thing about the whole scene is it just made me laugh afterwards. Good God. I mean, when I was at their level, I was responsible and wanted to try and help, not just get by. I wanted to make my supervisors job easier if I could. WHere are my employees like that?
_____
Sometimes I just have to wonder what I'm doing. Its 5:30PM and I'm reading my email at work. I suddenly thought about my adorable little baby at home that is starting to babble and say, "ma ma". I wonder somedays why I spend time away from her. And while I'm away, why am I wasting time instead of getting through the stuff I have to do as fast as I can?
Oh. I know the answers at some level, but on other levels it just seems silly sometimes. Greg and I were talking last night about moving to New Mexico. He was totally into it. Didn't even blink. A huge part of my heart just relaxed. I think I had starting thinking that we were just locked into living in California forever. Don't get me wrong, I love California--I love its weather, I love the landscape, the animals the ocean the mountains...but I am begining to loathe its politics, its crowds, its freeways. I don't want Phoebe to grow up thinking that big city is normal instead of nature.
i am really loving the book Buddhism for Mothers--it has helped me in so many ways to step back onto the eight-fold path and stop worrying so much and being angry. My sense of humor is returning. These journal entries always seem so serious...where is my sense of humor in my writing?
I've been trying to write a new poem in my head. Its slogging. My creativity is at ebb tide. It'll come eventually. ¶ 5:41 PM
