early riser, Phoebe's mom

If you had asked me a year ago if I would ever be up reguarly at 5:30AM on Sunday mornings, I would have just laughed in your face. The fact that I am up at 5:30AM on a Sunday seems normal now as I 've been doing it regularly for about 4 months, 3 weeks. Hey--that's how old Phoebe is...

I was picking a new yahoo address the other day and came very close to typing in "Phoebesmom". When I realized what I was doing, it stopped me in my tracks. I love being a mom and it IS who I am, but at the same time, the idea of begining to identify myself as only that makes me shudder. How awful for Phoebe. To put all that pressure on a child that they are so central to their mother's life that she identifies herself as Phoebe's mom. On the other hand, being a mom is now the most important thing in my life. Looking at her last night, I realized that nothing, not my husband, not a job, my dad, my house, myself...nothing is more important than her.

Speaking of which...I hear cries from upstairs..

+++++++

Phoebe is breastfed. Around three months, she started this adorable thing where she, well, makes yummy noises as she eats. I never imagined how much babies would show their enjoyment in the process of eating. After I put her to breast, she just tucks in with little grunts and squeaks of enjoyment. She gets her entire body into the process, playing with my shirt (or hair, or other boob) with her hands, kicking me with her feet, wiggling. Her eyes open and close, often rolling in her head a bit when she's really tucking in. She anticipates the whole eating process, making a particular Mmmmm sound when hungry, then getting very excited when she's offered the breast. Now she opens her mouth and lunges at the breast, often accompanying the motion with "knocking" on my breast with her hand, as if to say, "open up the restaurant mom."

With that kind of reinforcement, why would I wean from the breast at 4 months!  ¶ 7:15 AM